I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
