Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
