I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
