I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
