I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
