lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
