he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
