Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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