the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
