from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
