Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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