I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
