i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
