you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
