We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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