one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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