alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
