So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
