i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
