Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
