remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
