You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize