Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
