Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
