It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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