If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
