and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
