a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize