Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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