Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
