Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize