what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
