I will die if light touches me.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
