i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
