I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
