so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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