it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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