would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
