Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
