Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
