An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
