i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
