So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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