omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I checked into jail on foursquare
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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