I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
