It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
