I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
