worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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