nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize