Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
