A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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