it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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