when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
