After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
