everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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