apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
