he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Damn victory sex feels great
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
