"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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