Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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