I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
