Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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