You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
