I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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