Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
