His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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