So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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