I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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