Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
