Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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